The legal profession teaches us to solve problems. Lawyers are trained to identify issues, analyze facts, develop strategies, and find a path forward. Grief, however, does not lend itself to that approach. There is no motion to file, argument to make, or deadline by which grief can be resolved. When we lose someone important to us—a spouse, parent, family member, friend, colleague, neighbor, or other meaningful presence in our lives—we are reminded that some experiences cannot be fixed. They must simply be lived through until healing eases the loss.
For those of us at Lawyers Mutual of Kentucky, that reality has taken on particular meaning with the recent passing of our longtime colleague and friend, Asa “Pete” Gullett III. Pete's loss is deeply felt by those who knew him, worked alongside him, sought his advice, shared a story with him, or simply enjoyed one of his memorable stories. His passing also provides an occasion to reflect on something that touches every member of our profession eventually: grief and its effect on our mental and emotional well-being.
When the Person We Lose Is a Colleague
The death of a colleague presents its own form of grief. Our professional relationships can span decades and become woven into the fabric of our daily lives. We may spend more waking hours with coworkers and professional colleagues than we do with many friends or extended family members.
When one of those people is gone, the loss can be felt in unexpected ways.
There is the empty chair at a meeting. The question we instinctively think, “I'll ask Pete about that.” The story we have heard many times but suddenly wish we could hear once more. There are the phrases, habits, jokes, mannerisms, and conversations that made that person uniquely themselves.
Pete's connection to lawyer well-being was particularly meaningful. In addition to the countless Kentucky lawyers who benefited from his experience and counsel over the years, Pete served the Kentucky Lawyer Assistance Program. KYLAP's mission is to provide confidential assistance to Kentucky lawyers, judges, and law students experiencing issues that may affect their personal or professional lives. It is fitting, then, that remembering Pete also reminds us to care for the people within the profession he served for so many years.
Give Yourself Permission to Grieve
There is no checklist that eliminates grief, but there are healthy ways to make room for it.
Acknowledge what you are feeling. Trying to ignore grief does not necessarily make it disappear. Sadness, anger, exhaustion, confusion, and even moments of laughter or happiness can coexist after a loss.
Talk about the person. Tell the stories. Repeat the funny sayings. Remember the things that drove you crazy and the things that made you laugh. Talking about the person who died with friends and colleagues is one way of processing a loss and maintaining important social connections.
Maintain basic routines. Sleep, regular meals, movement, time outdoors, and connection with other people can become easy to neglect during periods of grief. They are also some of the foundations upon which mental wellness rests.
Accept help. If someone offers to handle a meeting, review a filing, bring dinner, make a telephone call, or simply sit and listen, consider accepting the offer.
Extend yourself some grace. Concentration may not be as sharp. Energy may be lower. Ordinary tasks may temporarily seem harder than they did before. Recognizing those limitations allows us to address them rather than simply becoming frustrated by them.
Know when additional support may be appropriate. Grief is a natural response to loss, but sometimes it becomes overwhelming or begins significantly interfering with daily functioning. A mental health professional can provide strategies for processing grief, anxiety, guilt, depression, or other emotions associated with a significant loss.
Remembering Those Who Made the Profession Better
Grief is ultimately inseparable from connection. We grieve because someone mattered to us.
As Lawyers Mutual mourns Pete Gullett, we also have the privilege of remembering him: his devotion to Kentucky's legal profession, his willingness to share his considerable knowledge, his accessibility to lawyers who needed guidance, his wit, his charm, and those wonderfully memorable stories that could make you laugh while somehow getting directly to the heart of the issue.
The legal profession will continue. Cases will be filed. Courts will convene. Clients will call. Deadlines will come and go.
But occasionally, it is important to stop long enough to remember the people who helped make our professional lives richer along the way.
For those grieving Pete—and for anyone carrying the loss of a spouse, family member, friend, colleague, neighbor, or loved one—perhaps the most important reminder is a simple one: make room for grief, make time for one another, and do not hesitate to reach out when the weight becomes too heavy to carry alone.
And when someone we cared about leaves behind stories, laughter, wisdom, and lessons worth remembering, continuing to share those things may be one of the most meaningful ways we can honor a life well lived.
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